DIY not DUI (wine corks in a vintage Mason jar)

My mom sent me this for Christmas, she found an old vintage Mason jar and put this project together knowing my obsession/compulsion with all things wine cork (I made that part up, maybe she didn't send it because of my vast wine cork crafting history LOL). A friend of hers wrote the funny "instructions" with the label on the front "WARNING: This gift is a "DIY" not be confused with "DUI". Therefore, craft responsibly!" hahahah, cute right?



Wait just a minute - I assumed she sent this because of my love for corks and this old Mason jar but as I'm reading thru the instructions now I'm wondering if it's more because she thinks I'm a wino?!!!

I scanned in her instructions but it's pretty small to read, here's what they say to do:

Here's a special gift for you
It's something you will love to do!
Just closely follow every script
And by the end, you should be "ripped"!

• Select your wine of choice for the evening.

               Wine is just a hug in a glass! So hugs to you!

• Uncork your chosen wine and save that cork. You will need it later!

               By the way, life is what happens between coffee and wine!

• Grab a wine glass!

               May your glass always be half full, never empty! Life is good!

• Pour wine into your glass...NOT the mason jar, your glass!!

              Relax, take a sip or two, and just breathe...That's what wine does!

• Begin placing corks in the jar. OOPS! Take that last one out and have another sip! Now put that cork back in! Let's celebrate with a "chug-a-lug"! Let's see, you have some raffia here. Don't throw it back because...

               The only thing we are throwing back is a glass of wine on Thursday!

• As you're putting your cork jar together, you are probably thinking...???

               If I ever go missing, I would like my photo put on wine bottles instead of milk cartons. This      way my friends would know where to look for me!

• That's a great thought! Take 2 sips, or 3!! OK! Let's toss a few more corks in your jar.

              You know what? You can't buy happiness, but you can buy wine, and that's kinda the same thing, isn't it?

• You have been sitting for a while, so get up, take a drink, and venture out for a short walk.

                But beware!! You may just end up in a Wine Bar!!

• Respect is an important thing, and you have earned respect because...

               You always rescue wine from a bottle!! Cheers to you!! SIPS!!

• Place all but 1 of the remaining corks in the Mason jar. At this time your jar should be almost full and your wine glass almost empty. Time for a refill for Jill!! Now, let's tie that raffia around the lid. Oh, no...don't get frustrated...You are probably one glass away from saying what you really think!!??

           When wine goes in, wisdom comes out! (No, you are not slurring...you are speaking cursive!!)

• Raffia attached! Jar looks great! Tie that last cork to the outside of your jar! Toast to a job well done!

           And always remember, in your next life, you may come back as a CORK!!

I played around with adding the other stuff she included but
I like just the raffia for now. Will change it with the season!